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ultamite dark proto zero ZX Offline
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#1
Video  MMMHXHOS
mega man maverick hunter
X and the heroes of the stars

       

   
:mega: hello X :X:
oh you know me brother
:mega: yes i helped make your armors
:proto: i helped spread the armor capsules
:Zero: so whos this bass character :mega: oh
wait your zero oh you and bass where both made by
dr wily and there for your brothers :zero: cool
can i release him :all except X&zero: NO!
:mega: yeah he was the
most evil robot alive back then
:Zero: oh well hey x you know how these two are technically
your brothers why don't you make then maverick hunters

   
WARNING :Alia: we got a message from zero
:zero: help i released bass :X&mega&proto:
are you insane were coming
(This post was last modified: 13-11-2014, 03:07 PM by ultamite dark proto zero ZX.)
12-11-2014, 04:57 PM
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Smurf-Killer Squee Offline
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#2
RE: MMMHXHOS
I... don't even know where to start.

(13-08-2012, 05:26 PM)Flashchat Wrote: Smurf-Killer_Squee: welp. off to try a few ideas for the exploding goo thing.
AshuraAlchemist: heh
AshuraAlchemist: air humping, then exploding goo


[Image: EBevD.png]



12-11-2014, 05:02 PM
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ultamite dark proto zero ZX Offline
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#3
RE: MMMHXHOS
oh and by the way i acully thought of this myself
just so you guys know
12-11-2014, 05:05 PM
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The Walrus Offline
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#4
RE: MMMHXHOS
[Image: IV5f7KR.jpg]

[Image: HCPYAjr.gif]
12-11-2014, 07:08 PM
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Threxx Offline
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#5
RE: MMMHXHOS
[Image: 128.png]

Generally disgruntled composer and Ideas Guy™. Currently directing Mega Man Shattered Diamond.

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12-11-2014, 07:40 PM
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Cyanosis Offline
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#6
RE: MMMHXHOS
The premise of this comic is pretty basic. A lot of fans have done the story of Megaman and/or Protoman in the X-series. There’s even a licensed comic made in Brazil, Novas Adventuras de Megaman, that uses the concept (to horrifying but awesome effect.)

First and foremost, you need to use spell check. There are a lot of misspelled words that would be easily caught using Microsoft Word or an online spell-checker.

Next, you need to study X and Zero more closely. The dialogue is not good. It doesn’t sound like how anyone would talk, much less X or Zero.

There is no sense of structure. You’re just throwing us into the story without any sort of set up.

This is very contrived. So X and Zero just happen to find the bodies of MegaMan, Protoman, and Bass and just happen to know who they are and just happen to know how to free them off-hand and just happen to have the very power needed to free them?

Do you see how that’s a bit of a hard sell?

Spreading the blue disease...
12-11-2014, 08:06 PM
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Threxx Offline
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#7
RE: MMMHXHOS
Cyan took most of the words right out of my mouth. This comic reeks of laziness and effortlessness. If you want to be taken seriously, the first thing you might want to do is run this through a spell checker and put more energy into making sure the text itself looks presentable. If English isn't your first language, it's ok to acknowledge that and ask for help, but a presentation like this is going to turn people away immediately.

Generally disgruntled composer and Ideas Guy™. Currently directing Mega Man Shattered Diamond.

My media:
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12-11-2014, 10:11 PM
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ultamite dark proto zero ZX Offline
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#8
RE: MMMHXHOS
what i thought. what do you mean by structure.
that's a new metaphor Ive never herd
(hard to sell) but another thing i was doing
is sigma found an artifact that can take
bio files from the maverick hunter base and
the remains of dr lights lab
to make evil robots return mainly
Doppler. his team (mac bit byte)
sun star now in control of the
mega killers (enker punk ballade) vile
dynamo well actually
he never died he just took the job
from sigma and was looking for nightmare souls
but now one of the most powerful evil robots
there ever going to face the return of the shadow devil
and he got a hold of a copy unit yep the twin shadow devil
and i'm using him for a pretty odd story later
oh and you should see the final form of sigma it is
awsome and completely origanal dont beleive me
go to sprites search for final devil sigma

oh and another thing the end is somewhat
gap-bridging here is some spoilers about it
   
no sigma did not do this
(This post was last modified: 13-11-2014, 03:15 PM by ultamite dark proto zero ZX.)
13-11-2014, 02:51 PM
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Threxx Offline
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#9
RE: MMMHXHOS
Yeah... you clearly did not read either post. "hard to sell" means hard to get across, essentially, no one is going to like your comic if it's this poor quality with this absolutely horrid mishmash of a story.

You really need to think about what you're doing and rethink your concepts of awesome. This isn't it. Sorry.

Generally disgruntled composer and Ideas Guy™. Currently directing Mega Man Shattered Diamond.

My media:
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/Threxx1/
SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/threxx-danne
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13-11-2014, 04:42 PM
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Cyanosis Offline
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#10
RE: MMMHXHOS
'Structure' in literature refers to how you arrange all the elements in a story to form a cohesive narrative.

Stories can be told and arranged in countless different ways.
An example would be chronological order. Does your story follow events in order or do you jump around different points in the timeline?

Pacing, however, seems to be the biggest narrative issue you face right now. Pacing is how fast the story progresses and how efficiently you feed the reader information they need to know to understand the story.

You're not giving the reader much setup. You rushed to have Megaman and Protoman be awakened by X without giving anyone much time to process.

Although contrivance is still going to hold your story back.
Being contrived is not necessarily a bad thing. But it becomes a problem when your reader is unable to suspend their disbelief.

Let me give you an example of your premise that is contrived, but should be more believable, and an example of how you can avoid the contrivance altogether.

Contrived:
X and Zero are ordered to explore the ruins of what appears to have been a lab. Along the way X and Zero split up to cover more ground. X wanders into a room and discovers a battery-drained Megaman. Zero discovers an emergency power switch and turns it on to help with the investigation. X sees a way to recharge Megaman's battery and does so.

Non-contrived:
A team of archeologists investigate the ruins of what appears to have been a lab. They discover a deactivated robot during their excavation and bring it to the surface. Further artifacts from the dig reveal the robot's name to be 'Megaman' and that he was created by 'Dr. Light.' External research reveals to the archeologists that Dr. Light created X so they request his presence before they reawaken him.

Spreading the blue disease...
13-11-2014, 05:44 PM
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Atma Offline
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#11
RE: MMMHXHOS
[Image: 5bc.png]

[Image: sig2.png]
13-11-2014, 06:06 PM
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LeagueofDevack Offline
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#12
RE: MMMHXHOS
(13-11-2014, 06:06 PM)Atma Wrote: [Image: 5bc.png]

And Atma sums up my opinion on the matter.

(11:58:31) Ryo_Hazaki crushes Lamda's head with a mallet Gallager-style.
(11:58:48) Lamda_Bamda: Ryo, I know I shouldn't, but I love you for that.

(13:31:29) Valo: why the name change into something even dumber
(13:34:04) LeagueofDevack: This coming from the guy who went from "NeoMan" to a self-insert.
(13:34:13) The_Walrus: SHOTS FIRED
14-11-2014, 12:09 AM
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ultamite dark proto zero ZX Offline
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#13
RE: MMMHXHOS
(13-11-2014, 05:44 PM)Cyanosis Wrote: Contrived:
X and Zero are ordered to explore the ruins of what appears to have been a lab. Along the way X and Zero split up to cover more ground. X wanders into a room and discovers a battery-drained Megaman. Zero discovers an emergency power switch and turns it on to help with the investigation. X sees a way to recharge Megaman's battery and does so.

Non-contrived:
A team of archeologists investigate the ruins of what appears to have been a lab. They discover a deactivated robot during their excavation and bring it to the surface. Further artifacts from the dig reveal the robot's name to be 'Megaman' and that he was created by 'Dr. Light.' External research reveals to the archeologists that Dr. Light created X so they request his presence before they reawaken him.

whoa that must have taken you all
of the 5 hours i was gone to think of that just whoa
14-11-2014, 05:54 PM
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ultamite dark proto zero ZX Offline
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#14
RE: MMMHXHOS
oh and by the way the reason there in gold is
these are the remains of a "museum" of some sort
04-12-2014, 02:37 PM
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